On August 7 I had a new blog post all planned out. The theme was the pentagram and the human body: the "[hu]man the microcosm" we've all seen, but with anatomical and functional correspondences to the Elements and the five points. It was going to be a useful and original map that updated what's become a bit of a Wiccan cliche, plus it was to serve as an introduction to the next several posts...

...none of which got written, because as I was sipping a new, healthy probiotic beverage and exulting in my cleverness, my truck got smashed into by a man fumbling for a cigarette. And I had something to actually heal (a broken wrist bone, contusions, and a scared and scarred spirit) as opposed to merely improve (my fat content and muscle tone).

So I've been thinking a lot about how we put ourselves back together again after life's Humpty-Dumpty incidents. The car accident was firmly in the realm of Air and came after five weeks of Air craziness and the worst. Mercury. retrograde. ever. Yet my healing began with Air, also: the first thing I did was invoke the power of relationship, by calling  two friends to help take care of me while my husband was out of town. 

I also thought about the torn ligaments and fragmented bone under the cast, and how every minute, cells were dividing, enzymes were switching proteins on and off, old bone fragments were being broken down, and blood, lymph and nutrients were being shunted over to the fracture. How does this happen? How can you take a bone that is broken, and six weeks later, voila! it's no longer broken! That's hard to do, as anyone who has ever tried to gorilla-glue the handle back on their favorite mug will tell you.

For that matter, how can we grow new humans at all? How does a an egg and a sperm  come out to be a baby? Yes, genetics and all that, but that infinitely intricate process of switching on and off, of cells "knowing" where to go to make toes, which differ from ovaries, which differ from eyeballs, which differ from hair: what is that intelligence?

From this occultist's point of view, it is the Archangel Raphael*. Raphael's name means "God who Heals" or, as I prefer, "Healing of the Divine" (because it is a gender-neutral term). Angels are messengers of the Divine. A message is a thought or a communication, so I often think of Them as Divine thoughts that are tuned to particular purposes. Thought is Intelligence, and so over the past few weeks, I have come to regard Raphael as that Divinely Intelligent agency within my cells that knows how to mend an injury and restore the flesh to more-or-less its original form.

And it is Raphael that can help the worse injury: my newfound tendency to jump and hyperventilate whenever I hear a loud BANG; my occasional worry over sending my clients elsewhere. In the Western Mystery Tradition, Raphael is often associated with the Element of Air, which is also thought and mental issues, and travel, and relationships. May Raphael's Divine Intelligence continue to heal my thoughts and strengthen my relationships along with the bone in my hand, and may I remain mind-full of the miracle of mending and healing taking place in my body right now.

*This image is from an Archangel series by a fabulous artist named Briar. All Briar's art is amazing. Go check it out.

First Whirlings

O my Body! I dare not desert the likes of you... I believe the likes of you are to stand or fall with the likes of the Soul, (and that they are the Soul...) --Walt Whitman, "I Sing The Body Electric"

Yesterday, 17 July 2012, a profound thing occurred. For the first time since I joined the greater Pagan world in 2000, I witnessed an honest and moving discussion of one of our community's hidden problems: the high levels of serious obesity and the various co-morbid health problems associated with it. 

I say "hidden," but of course, it's really not. Anyone who gets out and mingles with other Pagans at all perceives that we surely exceed the national average in the number of obese people participating in our scene, and which says a lot, given that over one-third of Americans are now obese. We just haven't talked about it much. Why? Well, Pagans are a People who are welcoming -- because in many places, we have been made to feel unwelcome. We are a People who are tolerant of what mainstream culture views as different or eccentric -- because in many situations, our own differences and "eccentricities" have earned us scorn, derision, and persecution. As a People, we hate preaching, and we especially hate being preached to, because too often we've had other people cramming their "should's" and "ought's" down our throats. Many of us have a strong connection to the Great Goddess, Whose beautiful Body comes in all shapes and sizes and colors and qualities, as evidenced by the many different ways She has been depicted.  And there are more subtle reasons I suspect, having to do with wounding, and the nature of energy, and grounding magickal energy, some of which I'll talk about in future blogs.

So we have tended to ignore this Very Large Thing, pun intended, in the center of the room because we really have not figured out how to address it, nor even admitted that it needed to be addressed. This puts up in the very ironic position of loving the Earth as Divine, and cherishing the Earth, all the while ignoring those pieces of Earth most intimate to us: our own bodies. We claim Power and we study how to gather and store and wield Power, all the while depleting ourselves of the most basic form of Power, which is the ability to actually get up and do shit.

This problem -- and yes, I call it and claim it as such -- is personal to me. I have fought a weight problem all my life. Sometimes the problem was that I was too fat. Sometimes the problem was that I thought I was fat when I really wasn't. I was a chubby kid who would rather lay in bed and get a lost in a book. I was not one to go out and play, and in fact, I could not do some things that other kids did with ease; I lacked strength and coordination. I suffered through 40 years of low self-esteem, shame, and self-hatred as a result of my weight issues, real and perceived. Age combined with the love and validation of my husband helped me heal from this. I practiced a lot of self-denial and extreme dieting, although thank Goddess I never became anorexic or bulimic.

And yet, I'm still fat, and at age 51, it's easy to perceive the toll it's taken on me. I'm not exactly morbidly obese, but I'd feel better and be healthier if I took off 40 pounds and kept them off. My husband is also fat in that way. We've both made strides toward greater health by exercising more and limiting sugar and simple carbohydrates, but we both need to do more.

I am a Priestess. That is my calling in life. I did not bear children of my womb; I consider my tradition members and many of the people in the greater eastern NC Pagan community to be my "young'uns." It's very important to me that they be happy, healthy, and effective witches, priests, priestesses, and congregational Pagans. As this kind of "magickal mama," I have always felt it is my duty both to teach and to model behaviors that would help my community members achieve this. Now that both local and national conversations on the subject of Pagan obesity have been initiated, I feel it is important that I share my own thoughts and experiences with members of my community. They can benefit from my experiences and knowledge, and I benefit by having accountability. If I am blogging on Pagan health issues, I'll think twice before ordering that mocha frappe.

Here is what you WILL see on this blog:

• Thoughts about the energetic trappings around obesity and related health issues. I am a Witch. I see something, I think "what are the energetic underpinnings to this phenomenon?" That's how I frame the world, Seen and Unseen. Why? Because I am a Witch. 
• Archetypes/personality traits within our community and how they are wonderful but maybe not so much for vibrant physical health - and how to work on that.
• Musings about the national culture and how it contributes detrimentally to basic health - with suggestions on how to work with it.
• Lots of reinforcement about how absolutely miraculous, beautiful, and breathtakingly wondrous every single body is, without exception. Yes, that means you.
• Information about the body and movement I learned as a massage therapist; or, "Damn, I Wish They'd Taught Me That In High School."
• A focus on nurturing, on partnering with Shadow, and on effectively parenting the Inner Child in order to alter detrimental behaviors, achieve goals, and transform into even healthier and more effective witches, priests, priestesses, and pagans.
• Profanity. I enjoy cussing, and it's my blog, so I'm going to do it when I want to.

Here is what you will NOT see on this blog:

• Advocacy for one type of diet vs. all the others. I myself achieve my best health when I limit sugar and simple carbohydrates, and when I focus on lean meats, vegetables, and healthy fats in my diet. I think that is true for many people. It is certainly not true for all people. So while you'll hear me talk about this, I know that you might need to be a vegan or a vegetarian or someone who eats steak every day, or follow the recommendations for Type A- blood, or whatever. People are different, bodies are different, ethics are different, and our bodies needs often change over time as well. 
• Anything movement-oriented that has the words Insanity or Extreme or Exxxtreme or that is loud or that exhorts me (or you) to MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! I hear that shit and I just quail. Movement is hugely important but it does not have to EXXXTREEME! or insane or loud or nerve-jangly. If that stuff floats your boat, good for you! It sinks mine. (And when you blow out your quadratus lumborum muscle, come see me at my office.)
• NO SHAME. Period. FUCK SHAME. Shame is almost always inappropriate and toxic and leads down the hellish path to the very detrimental behaviors we want to transform.   Shame helped rob me of happiness for the first 40+ years of my life. It has NO PLACE with me now. I took first degree training with a man named Tiny, a man who weighed maybe 500 or more pounds and who'd had a really rough life: cigarettes, drugs, booze, carnivals, prison. His body was just about worn out, and in fact, he died two years later in his mid-40s. But his Soul, his "secret and most innermost self" was Pure, Lovely,  Old, and Wise. You could see it in his Light-filled eyes. You are beautiful. Yes, you. And you are still beautiful even if you buy a gym membership and never go, or start to eat healthy and then snarf down a half gallon of ice cream. Yes, you are still beautiful and wonderful despite all that and more. It's true, you know.
• Tolerance for trolls or inappropriate comments. What is inappropriate? Why, whatever I think is inappropriate. If you are an acquaintance of mine (virtual or real-life), you will not be doing this, of course, but rumor has it that many bloggers, especially female bloggers, sometimes get nasty comments. I will delete them and ignore them. I am Queen of my sandbox and I get to make the rules.

I would love to post daily but that is probably not realistic, so I'm going to aim for a couple of times a week, and perhaps I can exceed that low expectation. In the meantime, friend me on Facebook and scroll down to yesterday (7/17) and look at the discussion that tacked off of Peter Dybing's article, which I reposted.